Saturday, April 4, 2015

Where You Been Girl....

Catching Up On Life....

"The things you take for granted, someone else is praying for."

I know I know I know..... I have been missing in action on my blogging lately. Maybe you have started to wonder where I have been or if I decided to toss in the towel. If you thought that then you would be wrong. You see I have been trying to keep my head above water and I feel like that little fish on Finding Nemo. Trying to just keep swimming, just keep swimming! Life has been crazy busy and has left little time for blogging.

I suppose I should take time to catch you up on something that I have been dealing with since fall and something that my husband and I have spent the winter trying to conquer. In the process of trying to conquer this, I have learned that I can plan as much as I want to but the plans really are not in my hands, they are in Gods.

This past fall you may have remembered my post about my health issues that I discovered. We had been trying for another little one and the testing that was done on me this fall, lead us to learn I was dealing with some serious thyroid issues and possibly polycystic ovarian syndrome. Two huge reasons why after months and month of trying and getting let down we still had no baby number 2. At first they told me lets just worry about getting your thyroid regulated and we can work on the infertility after that so thats the route we took. Luckily, my thyroid was quick to regulate with medications and I was able to get my numbers to a level that would be conducive for pregnancy. That fall, I had made an appointment for late January with the infertility doctors and tried to tell myself we wouldn't need that appointment and that things would work out. Well, it turned out we did need that appointment and  after going there I sort of fell to a level of sadness I had not been to before. 

I got bitter about new babies and baby showers and even simple things like blankets and clothes and anything baby.I found myself distancing myself from anything that had to do with pregnancy. It would bring me to tears that I only let Kevin see. He held me while I cried so many times about it this past winter and truly was my rock. It has never been my journey it has been "our" journey together.  You see having our first was simple - no wishing or waiting just like that we were expecting our first and the pregnancy was perfect so I assumed there would be more down the road and it would be as simple as the first. When that was not what God had in store for us, it began to be a hard pill to swallow. I tried so hard to not let the emotions get the best of me but it really had me down and honestly bitter and sad for our little family. Carter asks for a brother and sister almost daily. After awhile it gets hard to hear and so does the famous line of "when are you having another?"

We not only went to Danville but we also went to Pittsburgh to learn more about our options. I had oodles of blood tests done, ultrasounds, scans, and even a procedure to check to see if my tubes were blocked. It turned out the one side was. We also had to have some serious conversations with the fertility doctors about whats next for us and how we wanted to go forward.

It is seeming like we may have to get help if we want the second. As you know that costs money and lots of it. Before we take that step our doctor wanted us to consider a common fertility drug Clomid. We had debated this powerhouse fertility drug for months and finally after one too many let downs we made the decision to give it a try. We were warned that Clomid is a beast and a powerful one at that. It's side effects are brutal and your chances of multiples are much higher. We sat on the decision and prayed about it and went for it. I started it this week and all I can say is that it is been a very very long week. It's taken its toll on my body big time - I was hot, moody, nauseous, exhausted beyond belief and my head was killing me. All some of the brutal side effects from this. Fingers crossed something happens in the coming months. We are allowed to do 3 rounds of this then we have to go the other route if we want to pursue it. Our fate is in Gods hands but the waiting is what tests you.
Clomid - The tiny pill that has the potential to change our lives in a big way

Moral of the story is that I have not given up on my wellness along this way. When life knocks you down its easy to say forget this - skip the exercise, fall victim to emotional eating, and throw in the towel on all the things I am trying to balance but I didn't. I still have worked out almost every single day, I am still eating clean and I am still juggling a full time teaching job, a masters class, motherhood and marriage, as well as doing Beachbody full time on the side. I made it a priority and refuse to let my health and wellness go because life got hard on me. 

Keep us in your prayers. Carter would love a sibling(s) in the near future and mom and dad would too!


1 comment :

  1. Beautiful post, brought me to tears... as you await your miracle, you inspire many... the journey is painful, the reward is great... turn this mess into your message and know I pray for you, my beautiful friend xo