Infertility Awareness Week

Struggling with Infertility? You Are Not Alone My Dear

April 24 - April 30th is infertility awareness week. I am not usually one to jump on all of the different "awareness" weeks, but this one hits home for my family and I so I thought I would shed light on the issue and talk about what our journey with this has looked like over the last three years.

I wish I could go back and sit down with the newly pregnant version of my younger self and tell her to enjoy it. Every single minute of it because doing this again will never be promised. I was so naive when I had my son. We wanted to start trying for a little one in June (I was a teacher so the summer was the right time.) I ended up getting pregnant in May. No planning, no worrying, no fertility drugs just a blessing in Gods timing. I sailed thru 10 months of pregnancy like a breeze. I made it look easy. No stretch marks, no issues with the baby, hardly any morning sickness, and a labor that lasted... wait for it... 2 hours. Yep I got lucky all around.

When he arrived we felt a love that we never knew existed. Motherhood changed me; but absolutely for the better. As he grew we shared many conversations about "when the next one comes" and his someday brother or sister. We never had any doubts that we would have a few more children. Shortly after his first birthday we started to try for another one.

Months turned into years and we started to question why it wasn't happening. After one year of trying with no luck the doctors were willing to move forward with testing to be certain the two of us had no fertility issues that we were now dealing with. They always began the conversations with "the good news is you have been pregnant before." It used to annoy the daylights out of me. Yes I realize we were able to get pregnant but we can't now. That's why we are here so help us figure this out.

We went thru a battery of expensive tests to figure out if anything was wrong with is. Your husband has to be a good sport if your going to travel this road, because they analyze his fertility too. None of these tests are fun and often times, none of them are comforting because many come back showing nothing is wrong with you or him. It leaves you scratching your head and having to go thru more tests to rule other things out. It often will begin with many different blood tests for both of you. That is actually how I learned about my thyroid condition. It is one of the first things they check for actually because your thyroid controls your entire endocrine system which plays a huge role in your fertility. If your thyroid is off, your wasting your time trying to get pregnant. You need that regulated first. Any level between 0 - 4.0 is considered normal but for fertility reasons they like it to be between .5 and 1.0. Mine started out in the high 13's. Which for us was clearly one of our big issues were were up against. It took from November to January to get those levels down to where they needed to be. The medication helped a lot.

Once we got the thyroid issues taken care of, we moved forward with seeing a fertility specialist. I shopped around a few times before settling with Magee Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh. You have to like who you are working with. If you feel like just another number when you are there, keep looking. There are plenty of compassionate doctors out there who are great to work with. Sadly, there are also others who will treat you like just another number.

After lots of blood work, they often will do a test to be certain your tubes are not blocked. This is called a hysterosalpingogram. Good luck trying to pronounce that one. ;) You are awake for the test. It is often done at the hospital. They put a catheter up thru your cervix then push dye thru it and watch it with x ray monitoring. They are looking for the fluids to "spill out" thru your tubes. This tells them if there is a blockage and where. That test hurt a bit. Lots of cramping and burning during it. They will let your spouse in the room while they do it. At least they did let mine in. It was nice to have him there because that test made me nervous. They also tell you that often times after that test your fertility goes up a bit because things have been "cleaned out."

You can't move forward with any fertility treatments until you do that test because if your tubes are blocked your wasting your time trying. So be prepared to cross this test off pretty quickly. We did this in January of last year. They suggested waiting three months to see if things happened on their own because of things being cleared out.

Three months passed by very slowly with no luck so we moved forward with our next try. Clomid. It's an oral pill you take that will stimulate your follicles to make certain you are producing an egg or quite often many eggs. You take this at the beginning of your cycle then are monitored thru ultrasound to see where the egg follicles are in regards to ovulation. Once they give you the green light to try, you do that then wait to see what happens. I should warn you though, Clomid comes with a boat load of pardon my french, but shitty side effects. It made me a monster. Headaches, sweating, emotional, cranky and flat out mean while I took it. My husband dreaded Clomid time in our house and quite honestly so did I. It also increases your chances of having multiples and not just two babies but sometimes several. We were nervous about that part but knew we wanted to grow our family and if it meant a few more than we planned for than so be it, we just wanted more children however we had to go about doing it.

After three months of taking clomid and not having it work each time, it got us pretty down. I went thru a hard time emotionally trying to accept that fact that we STILL had no luck. It also made us start to rethink all of this and start to look at parenting thru new eyes. We began to realize that we may only ever have one. We spent the summer and fall just taking in our sweet little one. Everything became different. We stopped saying things like when we have another one or when we do this next time around. Those conversations came to a bit of a halt and we started to just live in the moment with our son. Which we should have been doing all along.

While we were okay with the break we had taken from the fertility options, we knew if we wanted to have another one our next step was IUI or Intrauterine Insemination. It starts with blood testing during your period, then you take a drug similar to clomid (some do clomid.) I was supposed to do femera instead for a few days at the beginning of your cycle. Then you go for ultrasound testing. Once they give you the go ahead you take a trigger shot (in the butt) called ovidrel. This causes the egg to drop then you have a very short window to get your butt to the hospital where they are caring for you. Then they take your husbands sperm and "spin it or wash it" this takes a few hours and its so that they can ensure the have the best ones to use. Shortly after using a catheter, they inject the sperm into your uterus and you wait and hope that it works. At best you have between a 10 - 20% chance of it working each cycle. Depending on where you go it can cost you between $1,000.00 - $4,000.00 each round. They tell you up front you will most likely need to try three to four rounds. Many do not have success on the first round.

We explored it actually before we tried clomid but didn't want to take this aggressive step until we ruled out the easier methods first. As you know most often these types of treatments are not covered by your insurance company so it leaves you footing the bill for these procedures that often have very small guarantees of success rates. Not only do they have your heart and emotions tied up in all of this, but also your wallet. We finally decided to go forward with IUI this past January. We didn't want to question for the rest of our lives if we should have tried. We needed to rule it out so we could begin to move forward. It was ironic, the day I went to Magee for my ultra sounds and blood work I was supposed to start the drug that night but it all came to a halt. I had an endocrinologist appointment that same day. She put the brakes on me going forward because she did not think my body was up for the challenge just yet. My blood work was telling her something other than my thyroid was wrong. Thyroid was fine, it was either my cortisol levels or insulin that was wrong. She said not to lose faith, we could figure it out but she needed time and we needed to do more tests. It was a huge let down but we knew it was for the best. We were glad that we did not invest our emotions and our money in the IUI  that day. Shortly after we learned from doing the 6 hour insulin resistance test, that I was struggling with some major blood sugar issues that we needed to fix.

The morning of my insulin resistance testing. He was by my side thru all of these tests we have encountered. It's absolutely been our journey not just mine. He's amazing. 

That was our sign to stop. My husband and I were sick of the let downs, the sadness and the emptiness that goes along with infertility. We both knew what the other was thinking. Enough is enough. We were done. We knew there were lots of other and even more expensive options we could try but we had enough. We had to stop living in this place of uncertainty of will we have another or not? We both agreed we would be okay with the cards we were dealt and we would pick up and move forward as a family of three blessed as can be. No more wishing for more. Just living in the moment loving and appreciating the one that we do have. We even made a plan that we would give all of our sons childhood belongings to a mother in need this coming winter when our son turns five. We were okay with our plan and we were finally at ease with our decision.

Then a month later, we found out we were expecting. All on our own. No fertility drugs, no help,  just a special blessing from God. Sadly the blessing only stayed with us for six weeks and tomorrow I will be having surgery to remove the babies remains. It was a hard pill to swallow after having such a hard few years with infertility. To have been given this blessing and have it taken away so quickly rocked us and tested our faith.

Like all of the other disappointments we have experienced with infertility we will move forward and with time we will be okay. For now, we are not, but with time we know that we will. God has a plan that is bigger than ours. Somedays it's just hard to understand the plan.

To make a long story short. My advice to anyone going thru this awful storm is to keep the faith. Lean on your husband or partner and go thru this together. Let them know how hard it is for you and listen while they share their feelings with you too. It is just as sad for them as it is for you. Make it your journey together. This has made our marriage stronger but for some it can cause marriages to fall apart. Don't let that happen to you and yours. Know that it's absolutely okay to be sad, mad and even question your faith some days. Realize that it's going to hurt when your friends all around you are getting pregnant. Stay out of the baby section in department stores and Target and know that it's okay to skip out on baby showers and visiting new babies if your not ready. I had my share of skips. I was not in a place where I could go. With time, I am sure I will be able to, but that time is not right now and thats OKAY! Know that there are people you can talk with who are professionals if the sadness is too much for you and lastly I encourage you to SHARE your story. Share it with your friends and your family and own it. Do not be embarrassed that you are struggling with infertility. You are not alone. There are SO many women out there who are going thru the same thing or who have went thru it and went on to have successful pregnancies. Use those people as hope for you. Keep praying about it and keep your chin up. God's plan is playing out. Your time will come and if it never does, know that there are children out there who need someone to love them. While I realize giving birth to your own child is something that many long for, it is not always in the cards. If it isn't and you truly from the bottom of your heart want one, be brave enough to take the steps to move forward with a different approach. If you want to be a mother you can be. You just have to have patience my dear.

God bless you all! I pray your walk with infertility is a short one with sun at the end of your rainstorm. Please share this post with your friends or family who could benefit. Let me know if I can pray for you! I would be glad to!
Love,
Sarah

Going Gluten Free? WHY?

My Quest To Be Gluten Free 

The messages have been flowing in this week to my inbox asking me about why I am going gluten free, how it is going and how I am feeling since I started. I figured since I put everything else out there, I might as well give an update and do some explaining! Lets start at the beginning. 

Last fall I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I spent the year on levothyroxine and things were regulating with my thyroid, but I still was feeling EXHUSTED, lethargic, moody and often times anxiety ridden for no reason. We still were experiencing infertility issues too.  I started to question what else was going on. I decided it was time to see an endocrinologist rather than just my PCP. It was then that we started to get to the bottom of why I was feeling so awful even though my labs said I was fine. 

The thing was, I wasn't fine. We first switched my medicine to synthroid and that helped a TON. The anxiety and exhaustion started to get a lot better, but I still didn't feel GREAT like I wanted to. This past January, I was gearing up for our first round of IUI. I had a doctor appointment at the fertility clinic in the morning and an appointment with the endo in the afternoon. We were all set to go ahead but my endo put the brakes on it because my labs were showing that something else was still not right. She was worried that the treatment would be a waste of time because my body didn't quite seem to be up for the challenge. It also was then that we discovered that my hypothyroidism was also Hashimotos disease, which is an autoimmune disorder. The ultrasound of my thyroid also showed that I had nodules that we would now need to watch. 

Getting ready for the insulin resistance test. So glad to have my hubby by my side. 

What concerned the endo the most was my cortisol levels in my labs. She wanted to do further testing before we went anywhere with the fertility treatments. An insulin resistance and adrenal test was scheduled for mid February. Man what a day that was. Talk about an exhausting process. The goal is to test your blood sugar several times over a period of time. They give you a large dose of insulin. What is supposed to happen is they drop your blood sugar levels basically in half (Mine started out at 86 and they got it down to 42 within 15 minutes of the test beginning) then your body reacts and fights it off. The thing is nobody showed up to the game for me. My blood sugar levels never really moved over the course of the six hours I was there. 

The test confirmed that many of my side effects I was having: night sweats, feeling like I was going to crash soon after eating anything, not being able to go very long without foods... the list goes on... were all pointing to the blood sugar issue. 

She recommended that I begin using metformin to regulate my blood sugar. She has was leaning towards me trying to go gluten free. With many of her Hashimotos patients she has encouraged them to go GF and they often began to feel much better. While it does not help EVERYONE, it has helped enough patients that she suggests I give it a try. She wants me to do a strict 3 month trail of gluten free. It was something that I had been reading about in many of my Hashimoto's books that I have been studying. I was considering the switch even before she made the suggestion. I began it this past week and am keeping a food journal to document what I am eating and how certain foods are making me feel. I really want to hold off on the metformin and give this a try before I move forward with any medicine. I go back to see her in May and am hoping I don't need the medicine. I did make a deal with her that I would reach out and ask for the medicine if I don't feel any better in the coming weeks/ months before I see her. I am hoping to get things regulated and am sticking to low carb/ high protein. I am eating six small meals each day. I also now have to use a gluclometer and track my sugar levels daily. I was not surprised with the diagnosis - I have a strong family history of both thyroid issues and also diabetes but I didn't expect it so early in life. 

The day after all of the tests, I needed to just stay home and take a day to myself to process everything. I truly believe it is okay to not be okay. We are human. Life is hard some days. Acknowledging that is necessary to move forward. 

I can't change the cards that I was dealt but I can change the way I decide to play the hand. I had my few days of having a pity party. I was sad, I was mad, I was bummed and quite honestly I was overwhelmed. Trying to deal with so much at once almost felt like too much all at once but I reminded myself that god only gives you which he thinks you can handle, so he must think I am a pretty strong women because I sure have been thrown a lot of curve balls lately. 

A few of my new gluten free foods I picked up at Trader Joes. They were AWESOME there. So helpful and made me feel less bummed about my new situation. 

I am treating it as a learning opportunity like I do everything else. Stay tuned for lots of gluten free recipes, reviews and updates as I journey thru this! I would love any tips or brand suggestions you might have! 

Taking on the new challenge - meal planning, reading GF books and beginning to use my food journal 

My Honest Review Of The Honest Company

The Verdict's In - I Love The Products 

Since I began my own journey towards becoming healthier,  my views on things have drastically changed. I am absolutely not the same person I was when I started my own journey and transformation. Not only has my opinions about exercise and eating changed, but my entire lifestyle has changed. Let me explain: It first started with me becoming very cognizant about what ingredients were in our foods. I began to adopt a five ingredient or less rule at the grocery store. If it had something I couldn't pronounce or had more than five ingredients we avoided it. This was my way of cutting out processed foods. This was no easy task because quite honest we were eating a lot of junk. From there it stemmed into my quest to be all organic. I became a nut about what was going into my body and my families. I was on a mission to keep the processed chemicals out and try to eat foods in their most natural state. While I am not 100% organic (it's really hard to do actually) I am about 90%. I started small with the "dirty dozen" of suggested items you should eat that are organic. Then next went to meats and lunch meats and eggs. I had been all organic on my sons snacks from the start we were already there with that. I then switched our milk to all organic as well as our butter. Lately I have moved into only buying cooking ingredients like olive oil, coconut oils, spices, sugars and the list goes on and on that are organic. Basically I started small and worked my way here. Often I get questioned if it is expensive to shop this way. The answer depends on how you shop. If you stick with the perimeter of the grocery store and try your best to only buy foods in their most natural state, this isn't going to be all that more expensive. However, if you do all organic and load up on processed foods that may say they are organic, your looking at a fortune at the store. I am very careful to always look for the USDA organic label. Some companies are good at "marketing organic" but don't have enough organic products in them to be certified. I am learning very quickly that just because it is organic does not always mean it's "healthy."

Now for the second part to this story. Last October I learned that my thyroid was off the charts out of whack. My doctor is more of a naturalist and we began to talk about natural ways to aide in making my thyroid symptoms become less severe aside from taking medicine. One of the things she really encouraged me to do was begin to remove all products from our home that had chemicals in them as well as move towards because they can be considered endocrine disruptors.  She also encouraged me to pursue my organic lifestyle.  Little by little, I began to change things. I threw out all of my plastic containers and switched everything to glass for our food storage, tried my best to removed products that contained fragrance, (I kicked my beloved Amber Romance lotion from Victoria Secret to the curb) and even got rid of the typical deodorant that most use and switched to a salt stick. I kept searching for a more natural approach.  I became a hawk about what I was not only putting into my body but also what I was putting on it. My husband often joked that I was becoming a crazy person,  but he went along with my wishes anyways even if I was making him nuts. All along I have been teaching my son about what it means to buy organic and why it's better for our bodies to be "chemical free." I have to say nothing makes more proud than when my three year old questions if something is organic. My hope is to teach him to live the same lifestyle.

This leads me to my review of The Honest Company. This past summer I came across the book The Honest Life by Jessica Alba. It was a great resource for me to learn more, but it also got me interested in giving the Honest Brand products a try. I learned online that they have a "bundle option" to get monthly shipments of the products so I decided to give it a try. A friend of mine shared with me some of her reviews on which products were worth trying and she also gave me a tip that I should make my five bundle options the most expensive choices then add on the less expensive items at the end. You have the option to get a few additional items at 25% off after your five bundle items. I loved the products from my first shipment and am anxious to use these new items from my newest shipment I just got this week. I liked this so much I actually went ahead and ordered a bundle for my mom too since she also has thyroid issues. One thing that I really appreciate about the brand is that most of the products do have the USDA certified label for being organic. My only complaints so far is that when I ordered the laundry soap the first time and also the hand soap, they got opened somehow and spilled on some of the other products in the box. Honest company handled it very well. They sent me a new bottle of laundry soap and hand soap with free overnight shipping. I don't know if it was bad luck or something that happens often, but the bottle of laundry soap leaked again during the shipping process. When I let them know they actually refunded me 10% of my entire order. Pretty great if you ask me. So my advice would be to avoid ordering the laundry soap online and just buy it in the store. You can get most of this stuff at Target.  Stay tuned for more product reviews and check out my video for my "honest review" of each that I have tried so far! Here is a link to let them know I referred you and it will allow you to save $10.00 off your first bundle if you are a new customer. Let me know your thoughts and your own reviews on the products if you give them a try yourself!

“While you can’t change the cards you are dealt, you can change the way you play the hand.”

I suppose I have no reason to keep this a “secret” because it’s not a secret. My husband and I have been trying for another little one for over a year and a half now since we had our son. Nothing had been working for quite some time now so I asked about it this summer at the doctors. I didn’t think there could be anything wrong since I had a perfect pregnancy with my son and was blessed with him right away. Trying wasn’t necessary it just happened. Which is what we assumed would happen when we wanted to have the next one. Well when I went to the doctors since it had been over a year they agreed that I could have some blood work done and they would go from there to determine if something was wrong. At first I was going to do it, then my faith kicked in and I decided I wanted to wait. God was going to give us another one when the time was right and maybe the time just wasn’t right. This had crossed my mind each month as we tried for over a year. I decided to put the breaks on any testing and did not go for the blood work when it was ordered in July.

Now it’s November and still nothing. Well I was not feeling so great at the end of October so I decided to go to the doctors on a whim. That appointment ended up being Gods way of telling me it was time to take some further steps. I was required to get the blood work that I had been putting off and I also had to have some ultrasound testing done. Sadly, the results were not in my favor right now. I found out that I have polycystic ovaries, which was a bit scary and disappointing, but what I also found out that my thyroid was off the charts out of wack. Normal thyroid levels range between 0.2 – 4 and mine was 13.28. YIKES!!! The doctors were a bit surprised that I was not feeling sick or cold or that my hair was not following out. I laughed and said nope I feel great, which I did. What seemed to be helping me to feel okay was that I was putting so much effort into my healthy lifestyle. I have been exercising daily, practicing clean eating and drinking Shakeology each morning. All of these factors seemed to be what was keeping me from noticing that my body was not 100%

In a weird sense, I felt at peace with what I learned.  This was Gods way of putting me right where I need to be right now. He sent me to the doctors that day because I was not well. Had I not went that day I would never had pursued the blood tests right now, which in turn lead me to learning about my thyroid and the polycystic ovaries. The last few weeks have been challenging not just physically but also emotionally.

 The chance of another one until my thyroid gets fixed is slim to none. My body is trying its best to keep me going, the chances of producing a healthy little one seems to be out of the question for now. Once the thyroid issues are under control we will deal with the polycystic ovaries. We have already been referred on to fertility doctors if we wish to pursue it. We are going to take things one day at a time. Thanks to modern medicine, we are certain things will work out, but for now I am in a waiting phase. Knowledge is power and now that I know what is wrong it has helped me to be okay with our outcome for now.

I will say that this past week has been horrible in terms of my exercise and my healthy eating. I have found little motivation to get up and do my usual 4:30 am workout and I have not been very hungry. I know for certain I have not been eating quite enough this week or at least not having enough of the right foods. On Monday, I started my medicine to regulate my thyroid and you would think it would have helped, but quite honestly I feel like a MACK truck hit me. I am tired and really lacking much motivation. I spent the week feeling kind of “blah.” You see this is what sets those who overcome things and those who let things get the best of them apart. I cannot change that cards that have been dealt to me right now, but what I can change is how I play the hand. What that means is that starting Monday, the pity party is over. The exercise will resume and I will get back on track because there are worse things in life than what I am dealing with.

I share this story with you so that you will consider taking yearly actions for yourself to get a physical to monitor changes in your well being from time to time. I think it is especially important to have things checked out and if you are someone who has been trying to conceive for quite some time now. Look into the blood testing and ultrasounds. You might be surprised what you find out.

Keep me in your prayers. Regardless of the outcome, my life is blessed in a million and one ways. I will continue to have gratitude for what God has already given me and if the timing is right or if its an option, The Griffith’s will gladly welcome another one to our little family.