Why I Had To Quit 80 Day Obsession

At the beginning of January, I set out with one big goal and that was to FINISH the new 80 Day Obsession program from START to FINISH. I wanted to be able to say that I did the entire program and be able to share my awesome results. I went all in with my workouts and committed to the nutrition plan.

Phase one I was spot on. Didn't skip any workouts, ate according to the plan and totally nailed it. Then at some point during phase two I started to notice my thyroid was having a "storm" and things were off. I was having trouble staying warm and was cold all the time, yet I would wake up covered in sweat during the night. I was experiencing extreme fatigue and was having trouble keeping up. I would wake up each morning feeling exhausted even after hours and hours of sleep. Anxiety started to set in as well. When enough "sirens" went off I decided I better get some labs done and get back to the endocrinologist.

At the same time, I started to feel like my period was finally coming back. This was a big deal since technically with breastfeeding and being pregnant I hadn't had one in over two years. It never came, but I felt like it would. Once I got the lab work set up and an appointment booked with my endo I decided to take a pregnancy test just for the heck of it. Well, I made the mistake of taking an old one from when we tried for Gracie. I didn't have the box anymore or the instructions or know the brand. It left me with two pink lines, but I wasn't sure what those lines even meant. YES OR NO? I told my hubby the next day and I took a second test a few days later. This time I went with digital. IMMEDIATELY it said pregnant. I was shocked, but it also explained a lot.

I went to the doctor for the initial appointment and honestly, I went in rather cold. Since having walked the road before with a miscarriage you protect your heart and try to stay unattached. I requested we just cut to the chase and not do anything until I had an ultrasound. I needed to see a baby and a strong heartbeat before this could be real for me. That appointment was on a Thursday. My ultrasound was scheduled for the following Tuesday.

Before I could get to that appointment I wound up in the emergency room that Monday night with gallbladder pains. Stabbing pain was all thru my right side. Painful enough that I would have rather been giving birth. The hospital I was at was worried about possible complications with the baby. They didn't have a pelvic US machine at that hospital and were having trouble finding the baby. They were worried I had miscarried or that it was in distress.  They wanted to send me to a hospital where they could provide better care for both of us. That night I took a fast ride by ambulance. I was numb. Not just from pain meds, but because I knew what types of decisions I would be facing later if that baby had in fact already passed away.

When I got there I was given an ultrasound right away and got to see our sweet little baby. Strong and steady heartbeat and growing right on track with where it should be. That night I got a due date and pictures to take home to share.

Two days later I had my endo appointment and she really was tough on me. She gave me a hard time about how much stress my body was really under between the thyroid issues, the gallbladder stuff and trying to keep up with exclusively breastfeeding and trying to navigate the first trimester of pregnancy. When we talked about my current levels of exercise she was less than thrilled with my six hours a week commitment and the intensity. She said it was absolutely too much and it was a recipe for a miscarriage. She told me to think long and hard about where my priorities were.

That night I experienced a lot of bleeding and thought for sure I was miscarrying. The next morning I had another ultrasound and got to see the baby again. The heartbeat was even stronger and everything was just fine.  It was, however, an eye-opener and it meant I needed to come up with a new plan.

Sure I wanted to finish the 80-day program especially with less than 30 days to go, but I also want a healthy baby so this is me throwing in the towel. It is probably a good choice anyway because the program is NOT recommended for those who are pregnant. I will be picking up with 30 days of yoga for now to finish out the first trimester then will go from there as a move into the second and hopefully at that point am feeling a little less exhausted.

To those of you who were following along with my postpartum journey I just want to say thank you for all the love and support. Please feel free to fill out the application below if you would ever like to work with me in one of my challenge groups. I am always taking new clients.

Sometimes it's important for us to remember when things don't go according to the plan, simply make a new plan.

Pregnancy & Hashimoto's Disease

The Bubble I Have Been Living In 

This morning I wanted to take some time and put some things out there that I have not shared all that much about my pregnancy but I just feel like it's time. 

If you follow me on social media you probably follow me for fitness motivation, healthy recipes, or possibly because of my openness about infertility and miscarriage. Whatever the reason you know me as the fitness coach and since becoming pregnant you might have noticed less and less fitness. 

Maybe you are wondering why. Because during the first trimester there was very little fitness happening. 

Shortly after learning that I was expecting I had an appointment with my endocrinologist whom I respect very much. 

I have worked with a lot of different doctors when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease, but she is my go to girl. What she says goes in my world. Yes I really trust her that much. She has been trying relentlessly to help us get pregnant during the last year. From extensive testing, to putting the breaks on my fertility treatments, to dealing with what she thinks was PCSO and even hypoglycemia. You name it, shes been my person working on it for me. 

When I found out the end of the summer that I was expecting she was one of the FIRST people who knew. Literally even before my mom knew. I knew that not only my health, but the viability of my pregnancy depended on my thyroid health and I was going to need some close monitoring by her to make this happen. 

We met right away and made a game plan for how we would approach the pregnancy if it lasted. While that was a hard conversation to have, we knew the outcome of the pregnancy I had in the spring and we knew the struggle so we wanted to be proactive. 

One of the first things we talked about was my exercise. She knew I was very into fitness and she knew how hard I worked out. Her request was that I stop. Entirely. I about fell out of my chair when she said that. She said no cardio, no weights, not even pilates for now. She said I could walk and a few weeks later agreed on yoga. I was terrified what taking a break from exercise would do to my fitness business that I had worked so hard to build.

More than anything though, I wanted this pregnancy to work. So I followed her wishes. No exercise. She said my body has a hard enough time keeping up with all of the stresses that I put on it on a day to day basis not being pregnant. She insisted that I needed to be resting and only worry about growing a baby. If you are not familiar with what Hashimoto's disease is, it is an autoimmune disease where your bodies antibodies attack your thyroid treating it like something they need to "kill off." This in turn causes your thyroid not to function properly which is your control system for most of the internal functions of your body. Basically if your thyroid levels or antibodies are off, your in trouble. 

My gynocologist decided at 8 weeks that she wanted me exercising. My endo still did not. While I trust and respect both I needed to go with my gut and I needed to still not workout just yet. Not exercising was tricky. It made me feel like part of "me" was missing but I still sat it out. 

I managed to not gain much weight so far like I had in my pregnancy with Carter and I really contribute it to my lifestyle. Other than a few off the wall junk food cravings that I have had, I am eating very clean, drinking a ton of water and being mindful of portion control. Last time I took eating for two literally and managed to gain 57 lbs. So far 18 weeks in I have only gained 13 lbs. While I really could care less about the weight gain, it is a sign to me that I am having a much healthier second pregnancy. 

The second trimester brought with it lots more energy and a desire to exercise. While it has not been daily and it has been modified, it feels good to be back in action. Some sacrifices are worth making and for me it's the health of my baby. Lots will argue that it's perfectly fine to exercise during pregnancy and while the answer typically is yes it depends on each person and their own circumstance. For me pregnancy combined with a pretty severe case of Hashimoto's disease means I have to take it easy. 

I guess you could say that I have spent the last five months in a bubble. Lots of sleep, little stress, little exercise, healthy foods and I have been trying my best to stay away from crowds to avoid germs. The pregnancy has been nothing like the first and so so so much harder on my body. I am learning that an autoimmune disorder while pregnant means your playing an entirely different ball game than everyone else.

When you wait as long as I did to be pregnant you treat your body with a lot of respect for what it's growing. Even if it means taking a break from things that you love. 

If your in the same boat that I am, expecting and dealing with a health condition but still wanting to have a healthy fit pregnancy please get in touch with me. I would love to work with you on creating a modified way to include exercise and healthy eating into the remainder of your pregnancy.

Fill out my online form.

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5 Day Gluten / Grain Free Challenge

Wondering How To Go Gluten Free? Let Me Teach You How! 

This past winter I decided it was going to be a good move to go gluten free. I had several conversations with my doctor and she agreed it was absolutely worth giving it a shot. I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. It is an autoimmune disorder which means that my immune system is attacking my thyroid. Thus putting lots of stress on my endocrine system. I take medication to help control this and while it has helped and my levels are considered optimal now, I was still feeling the effects of the disease. I had been doing my homework and had read over and over again that those with the disease were having lots of success by removing gluten from their everyday lives. While it does not make the disease go away, it sure does to help make you feel better.

Before making the decision to go gluten free, I decided I would pay close attention to my body after I consumed gluten. After lots of documenting and paying attention, I learned that I felt much worse each time I consumed it. The worst part - ANYTIME I had ANY gluten my belly would bloat out and make me look like I was expecting. The reaction would happened within minutes of eating. I decided this experiment was worth a try. I began in February it noticed a difference within weeks. I felt SO much better. Lots more energy, no crashing after I ate, no bloating. Lots of other great side effects. I also decided to see what happened after I ate it a few weeks into giving it up. Totally made me sick. It kind of helped confirm it was a good move for more. While I do not have celiacs disease, I do seem to have a gluten intolerance.

I also had been struggling with infertility for the last three years and some of the research out there states that there can be links between gluten and infertility. I decided I had nothing to lose. Sure enough a month after going gluten free, I was able to get pregnant. It could have been a coincidence or it could be that going gluten free reduced the inflammation enough in my body to create a more positive environment for pregnancy. Granted I did miscarry just recently but it's the furthest we have gotten with getting pregnant in years. I am taking that as a positive step in the right direction.

My plans are to continue with this new lifestyle. It hasn't just been a change for me but also for my family. Everyone seems to be getting along just fine with the changes. It was actually much easier than I ever could have anticipated.

I want to pay it forward and teach others what I have learned along the way. On May 9th I will be offering a free 5 day gluten/ grain free challenge for my social media followers. The event will be online and each day I will be sharing with you tips I have learned, meal plans, recipes, books that I have found helpful and many many other tips and tricks for going gluten free.

If you would like to join us, please fill out the application below and I will send you a link to join the group. It is going to be very informational and also very fun! Let me show you that going gluten free isn't as scary as it might seem.

Click here to join the group! 

Fill out my online form.

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Infertility Awareness Week

Struggling with Infertility? You Are Not Alone My Dear

April 24 - April 30th is infertility awareness week. I am not usually one to jump on all of the different "awareness" weeks, but this one hits home for my family and I so I thought I would shed light on the issue and talk about what our journey with this has looked like over the last three years.

I wish I could go back and sit down with the newly pregnant version of my younger self and tell her to enjoy it. Every single minute of it because doing this again will never be promised. I was so naive when I had my son. We wanted to start trying for a little one in June (I was a teacher so the summer was the right time.) I ended up getting pregnant in May. No planning, no worrying, no fertility drugs just a blessing in Gods timing. I sailed thru 10 months of pregnancy like a breeze. I made it look easy. No stretch marks, no issues with the baby, hardly any morning sickness, and a labor that lasted... wait for it... 2 hours. Yep I got lucky all around.

When he arrived we felt a love that we never knew existed. Motherhood changed me; but absolutely for the better. As he grew we shared many conversations about "when the next one comes" and his someday brother or sister. We never had any doubts that we would have a few more children. Shortly after his first birthday we started to try for another one.

Months turned into years and we started to question why it wasn't happening. After one year of trying with no luck the doctors were willing to move forward with testing to be certain the two of us had no fertility issues that we were now dealing with. They always began the conversations with "the good news is you have been pregnant before." It used to annoy the daylights out of me. Yes I realize we were able to get pregnant but we can't now. That's why we are here so help us figure this out.

We went thru a battery of expensive tests to figure out if anything was wrong with is. Your husband has to be a good sport if your going to travel this road, because they analyze his fertility too. None of these tests are fun and often times, none of them are comforting because many come back showing nothing is wrong with you or him. It leaves you scratching your head and having to go thru more tests to rule other things out. It often will begin with many different blood tests for both of you. That is actually how I learned about my thyroid condition. It is one of the first things they check for actually because your thyroid controls your entire endocrine system which plays a huge role in your fertility. If your thyroid is off, your wasting your time trying to get pregnant. You need that regulated first. Any level between 0 - 4.0 is considered normal but for fertility reasons they like it to be between .5 and 1.0. Mine started out in the high 13's. Which for us was clearly one of our big issues were were up against. It took from November to January to get those levels down to where they needed to be. The medication helped a lot.

Once we got the thyroid issues taken care of, we moved forward with seeing a fertility specialist. I shopped around a few times before settling with Magee Women's Hospital in Pittsburgh. You have to like who you are working with. If you feel like just another number when you are there, keep looking. There are plenty of compassionate doctors out there who are great to work with. Sadly, there are also others who will treat you like just another number.

After lots of blood work, they often will do a test to be certain your tubes are not blocked. This is called a hysterosalpingogram. Good luck trying to pronounce that one. ;) You are awake for the test. It is often done at the hospital. They put a catheter up thru your cervix then push dye thru it and watch it with x ray monitoring. They are looking for the fluids to "spill out" thru your tubes. This tells them if there is a blockage and where. That test hurt a bit. Lots of cramping and burning during it. They will let your spouse in the room while they do it. At least they did let mine in. It was nice to have him there because that test made me nervous. They also tell you that often times after that test your fertility goes up a bit because things have been "cleaned out."

You can't move forward with any fertility treatments until you do that test because if your tubes are blocked your wasting your time trying. So be prepared to cross this test off pretty quickly. We did this in January of last year. They suggested waiting three months to see if things happened on their own because of things being cleared out.

Three months passed by very slowly with no luck so we moved forward with our next try. Clomid. It's an oral pill you take that will stimulate your follicles to make certain you are producing an egg or quite often many eggs. You take this at the beginning of your cycle then are monitored thru ultrasound to see where the egg follicles are in regards to ovulation. Once they give you the green light to try, you do that then wait to see what happens. I should warn you though, Clomid comes with a boat load of pardon my french, but shitty side effects. It made me a monster. Headaches, sweating, emotional, cranky and flat out mean while I took it. My husband dreaded Clomid time in our house and quite honestly so did I. It also increases your chances of having multiples and not just two babies but sometimes several. We were nervous about that part but knew we wanted to grow our family and if it meant a few more than we planned for than so be it, we just wanted more children however we had to go about doing it.

After three months of taking clomid and not having it work each time, it got us pretty down. I went thru a hard time emotionally trying to accept that fact that we STILL had no luck. It also made us start to rethink all of this and start to look at parenting thru new eyes. We began to realize that we may only ever have one. We spent the summer and fall just taking in our sweet little one. Everything became different. We stopped saying things like when we have another one or when we do this next time around. Those conversations came to a bit of a halt and we started to just live in the moment with our son. Which we should have been doing all along.

While we were okay with the break we had taken from the fertility options, we knew if we wanted to have another one our next step was IUI or Intrauterine Insemination. It starts with blood testing during your period, then you take a drug similar to clomid (some do clomid.) I was supposed to do femera instead for a few days at the beginning of your cycle. Then you go for ultrasound testing. Once they give you the go ahead you take a trigger shot (in the butt) called ovidrel. This causes the egg to drop then you have a very short window to get your butt to the hospital where they are caring for you. Then they take your husbands sperm and "spin it or wash it" this takes a few hours and its so that they can ensure the have the best ones to use. Shortly after using a catheter, they inject the sperm into your uterus and you wait and hope that it works. At best you have between a 10 - 20% chance of it working each cycle. Depending on where you go it can cost you between $1,000.00 - $4,000.00 each round. They tell you up front you will most likely need to try three to four rounds. Many do not have success on the first round.

We explored it actually before we tried clomid but didn't want to take this aggressive step until we ruled out the easier methods first. As you know most often these types of treatments are not covered by your insurance company so it leaves you footing the bill for these procedures that often have very small guarantees of success rates. Not only do they have your heart and emotions tied up in all of this, but also your wallet. We finally decided to go forward with IUI this past January. We didn't want to question for the rest of our lives if we should have tried. We needed to rule it out so we could begin to move forward. It was ironic, the day I went to Magee for my ultra sounds and blood work I was supposed to start the drug that night but it all came to a halt. I had an endocrinologist appointment that same day. She put the brakes on me going forward because she did not think my body was up for the challenge just yet. My blood work was telling her something other than my thyroid was wrong. Thyroid was fine, it was either my cortisol levels or insulin that was wrong. She said not to lose faith, we could figure it out but she needed time and we needed to do more tests. It was a huge let down but we knew it was for the best. We were glad that we did not invest our emotions and our money in the IUI  that day. Shortly after we learned from doing the 6 hour insulin resistance test, that I was struggling with some major blood sugar issues that we needed to fix.

The morning of my insulin resistance testing. He was by my side thru all of these tests we have encountered. It's absolutely been our journey not just mine. He's amazing. 

That was our sign to stop. My husband and I were sick of the let downs, the sadness and the emptiness that goes along with infertility. We both knew what the other was thinking. Enough is enough. We were done. We knew there were lots of other and even more expensive options we could try but we had enough. We had to stop living in this place of uncertainty of will we have another or not? We both agreed we would be okay with the cards we were dealt and we would pick up and move forward as a family of three blessed as can be. No more wishing for more. Just living in the moment loving and appreciating the one that we do have. We even made a plan that we would give all of our sons childhood belongings to a mother in need this coming winter when our son turns five. We were okay with our plan and we were finally at ease with our decision.

Then a month later, we found out we were expecting. All on our own. No fertility drugs, no help,  just a special blessing from God. Sadly the blessing only stayed with us for six weeks and tomorrow I will be having surgery to remove the babies remains. It was a hard pill to swallow after having such a hard few years with infertility. To have been given this blessing and have it taken away so quickly rocked us and tested our faith.

Like all of the other disappointments we have experienced with infertility we will move forward and with time we will be okay. For now, we are not, but with time we know that we will. God has a plan that is bigger than ours. Somedays it's just hard to understand the plan.

To make a long story short. My advice to anyone going thru this awful storm is to keep the faith. Lean on your husband or partner and go thru this together. Let them know how hard it is for you and listen while they share their feelings with you too. It is just as sad for them as it is for you. Make it your journey together. This has made our marriage stronger but for some it can cause marriages to fall apart. Don't let that happen to you and yours. Know that it's absolutely okay to be sad, mad and even question your faith some days. Realize that it's going to hurt when your friends all around you are getting pregnant. Stay out of the baby section in department stores and Target and know that it's okay to skip out on baby showers and visiting new babies if your not ready. I had my share of skips. I was not in a place where I could go. With time, I am sure I will be able to, but that time is not right now and thats OKAY! Know that there are people you can talk with who are professionals if the sadness is too much for you and lastly I encourage you to SHARE your story. Share it with your friends and your family and own it. Do not be embarrassed that you are struggling with infertility. You are not alone. There are SO many women out there who are going thru the same thing or who have went thru it and went on to have successful pregnancies. Use those people as hope for you. Keep praying about it and keep your chin up. God's plan is playing out. Your time will come and if it never does, know that there are children out there who need someone to love them. While I realize giving birth to your own child is something that many long for, it is not always in the cards. If it isn't and you truly from the bottom of your heart want one, be brave enough to take the steps to move forward with a different approach. If you want to be a mother you can be. You just have to have patience my dear.

God bless you all! I pray your walk with infertility is a short one with sun at the end of your rainstorm. Please share this post with your friends or family who could benefit. Let me know if I can pray for you! I would be glad to!
Love,
Sarah

Going Gluten Free? WHY?

My Quest To Be Gluten Free 

The messages have been flowing in this week to my inbox asking me about why I am going gluten free, how it is going and how I am feeling since I started. I figured since I put everything else out there, I might as well give an update and do some explaining! Lets start at the beginning. 

Last fall I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I spent the year on levothyroxine and things were regulating with my thyroid, but I still was feeling EXHUSTED, lethargic, moody and often times anxiety ridden for no reason. We still were experiencing infertility issues too.  I started to question what else was going on. I decided it was time to see an endocrinologist rather than just my PCP. It was then that we started to get to the bottom of why I was feeling so awful even though my labs said I was fine. 

The thing was, I wasn't fine. We first switched my medicine to synthroid and that helped a TON. The anxiety and exhaustion started to get a lot better, but I still didn't feel GREAT like I wanted to. This past January, I was gearing up for our first round of IUI. I had a doctor appointment at the fertility clinic in the morning and an appointment with the endo in the afternoon. We were all set to go ahead but my endo put the brakes on it because my labs were showing that something else was still not right. She was worried that the treatment would be a waste of time because my body didn't quite seem to be up for the challenge. It also was then that we discovered that my hypothyroidism was also Hashimotos disease, which is an autoimmune disorder. The ultrasound of my thyroid also showed that I had nodules that we would now need to watch. 

Getting ready for the insulin resistance test. So glad to have my hubby by my side. 

What concerned the endo the most was my cortisol levels in my labs. She wanted to do further testing before we went anywhere with the fertility treatments. An insulin resistance and adrenal test was scheduled for mid February. Man what a day that was. Talk about an exhausting process. The goal is to test your blood sugar several times over a period of time. They give you a large dose of insulin. What is supposed to happen is they drop your blood sugar levels basically in half (Mine started out at 86 and they got it down to 42 within 15 minutes of the test beginning) then your body reacts and fights it off. The thing is nobody showed up to the game for me. My blood sugar levels never really moved over the course of the six hours I was there. 

The test confirmed that many of my side effects I was having: night sweats, feeling like I was going to crash soon after eating anything, not being able to go very long without foods... the list goes on... were all pointing to the blood sugar issue. 

She recommended that I begin using metformin to regulate my blood sugar. She has was leaning towards me trying to go gluten free. With many of her Hashimotos patients she has encouraged them to go GF and they often began to feel much better. While it does not help EVERYONE, it has helped enough patients that she suggests I give it a try. She wants me to do a strict 3 month trail of gluten free. It was something that I had been reading about in many of my Hashimoto's books that I have been studying. I was considering the switch even before she made the suggestion. I began it this past week and am keeping a food journal to document what I am eating and how certain foods are making me feel. I really want to hold off on the metformin and give this a try before I move forward with any medicine. I go back to see her in May and am hoping I don't need the medicine. I did make a deal with her that I would reach out and ask for the medicine if I don't feel any better in the coming weeks/ months before I see her. I am hoping to get things regulated and am sticking to low carb/ high protein. I am eating six small meals each day. I also now have to use a gluclometer and track my sugar levels daily. I was not surprised with the diagnosis - I have a strong family history of both thyroid issues and also diabetes but I didn't expect it so early in life. 

The day after all of the tests, I needed to just stay home and take a day to myself to process everything. I truly believe it is okay to not be okay. We are human. Life is hard some days. Acknowledging that is necessary to move forward. 

I can't change the cards that I was dealt but I can change the way I decide to play the hand. I had my few days of having a pity party. I was sad, I was mad, I was bummed and quite honestly I was overwhelmed. Trying to deal with so much at once almost felt like too much all at once but I reminded myself that god only gives you which he thinks you can handle, so he must think I am a pretty strong women because I sure have been thrown a lot of curve balls lately. 

A few of my new gluten free foods I picked up at Trader Joes. They were AWESOME there. So helpful and made me feel less bummed about my new situation. 

I am treating it as a learning opportunity like I do everything else. Stay tuned for lots of gluten free recipes, reviews and updates as I journey thru this! I would love any tips or brand suggestions you might have! 

Taking on the new challenge - meal planning, reading GF books and beginning to use my food journal 

One Step Closer To Our Answer

Learning To Dance Thru The Storm 

Since I have such a large following now on social media and I put it all out there ALL the time, I have a lot of people who really have shown care and concern for our family as I have battled some health issues this past year. I have been very public about my infertility struggles and thyroid issues because I know that someone out there needs my story and is going thru the same storm. By deciding to be public about it, I have found that I really am not alone. So many women have reached out to me because they went thru it or know someone who went thru it too. They make the walk seem just a little less dark. I can't say thank you enough for all of the prayers, messages and concern.

I feel like I owe you all an update because I gave a little clue last week on social media that we were up to something and then I gave another clue that it didn't go so well. I got tons of messages checking on us and it totally melted our hearts knowing we had so much support. 

So here it is - Since this past summer Kevin and I have been dealing with and coping with the fact that we may only ever have one child. After three failed attempts with clomid this past spring it kind of rocked us to our core. It was hard on my health when I did those three rounds and emotionally it was killer to go thru it and not have it work. While we realize there are other more drastic forms of fertility treatments and options we can try, it really got us down and felt very defeating. I found myself in a sad place in June and quite honesty have not wanted to go back there since we got thru it. We decided to focus on the blessing we had in front of us and stop wishing for more when we have one already who was all that we ever have wanted. We finally got to a place where we were not as sad and were starting to "be okay" with the cards that we were dealt. We looked at the bright side that he was healthy and at least we were blessed with one. Some don't even get that lucky. We looked at the other side of the card and talked about the lifestyle we could give him since we only had to afford one. It meant lots of vacations in the future, only having to buy 1 car some day for our teenager and a only one college education we would have to help fund. It meant a lifestyle for our son very different than the one we both grew up with. Both Kevin and I grew up in normal middle class families. We didn't have cleaning ladies, we didn't go on exotic vacations and we had siblings who we had to share with and sometimes our parents told us "no you have to wait until pay day to get that." We grew up very loved but we didn't have the "lifestyle" our son has. While we are very proud of what we are able to give him, we are missing something that money really can't buy. It's a brother or sister and he wants one terribly. He is at the age where all of his little friends are having baby brothers or sisters and asks us often when he will get his. And that is when it hurts. When my sweet little boy says his prayers at night and prays for a sibling my heart breaks a little. It is so hard not being able to give him that. Because of this, we decided that we could not look back on our life someday when we are older and regret that we didn't try again with fertility treatments. 

After lots of praying and debating back and forth, back and forth we decided we needed to try IUI at least once. I don't think we will take it any steps further than a few rounds of IUI. There are other options for us such as in vetro, foster parenting and adoption but I think we will call it quits if the IUI does not work. We can't go thru this over and over but also can't move forward until we have at least tried this. 

Because of Beachbody coaching I am in a a place financially where I can afford this. Sometimes I think this is one of the reasons why coaching was put in my life so I could say yes to things like this. It took me almost 8 months to "see this." Even though I know I can swing it financially, I knew emotionally it was going to be hard. I hadn't been ready to go thru it for the fear of the letdown. I almost didn't even want to try because I have been afraid of the sadness. Finally we got enough courage to say yes and move forward. I made the call to Magee to set up the treatment, have the medications ordered and we got ready for "the ride" we were about to go on. Blood work, meds that made me crazy, ultrasounds, shots, trips to Pittsburgh and the waiting game. We were ready. We went to Pittsburgh last Friday for the first steps. Everything looked good and I got the go ahead to start the medicine. The actual insemination procedure would have occurred yesterday or today depending on how the meds worked. But we had to skip it this month. 

You see right after my appointment at Magee I had an endocrinologist appointment. I wanted to be certain I had my thyroid under control and had the green light for this from my doctor. It's been a battle the last year getting it regulated and overcoming the fatigue that comes along with thyroid issues. I may look like I have all this energy but MAN I am exhausted 90% of the time. It's killer but I hide it well. We learned Friday that I do have Hashimoto's disease. I sort of saw it coming but Fridays ultrasound and blood work conformed it. That wasn't the big issue though. My thyroid is regulated and okay to handle pregnancy now. It wasn't before. My problem now seems to be my cortisol levels. My labs showed they were very low and concerned my doctor. She wants to do more testing to determine if I have adrenal fatigue going on. I have a six hour test at the hospital coming up in a few weeks where they will try to figure out if I have any insulin resistance, adrenal issues or a mass on my pituitary gland. All of these issues can be solved but we have to figure out the root cause first. 

 As much as it hurt to hear that we would need to hold off on the fertility treatments, I am thankful that God put me there that day at that appointment so I didn't move forward quite yet. Knowing that something is not quite right just yet means that the IUI most likely would have failed. He didn't want me to go down that road yet. I believe he has bigger plans for us. He was there that day telling me to just be patient my dear, better things are coming. It's still going to rain a little more for you, but I don't give you more than you can take. Stay strong. Your sunshine is coming soon enough. 

Keep the prayers coming as we work on walking towards our sunshine. Thanks for all the love and support. It means the world to us! 

XOXOXO

Sarah, Kevin & Carter