When Things Don't Go According To The "Plan"

Difficult Roads Often Lead To Beautiful Destinations 

If you have been following me on social media, you know that this past year has brought a new reality that my husband and I had to face. Our reality was that even though we had no trouble at all getting pregnant with our son almost four years again, our chances for another have become very slim on our own. It's funny when you have one, you always just assume there will be more. We always have talked about "the next one" we saved all of our little guys baby things for "the next one" and had anticipated that our family would grow at least by one more. Then two years down the road after there was no next one month after month of trying, we decided maybe something was wrong. After lots of testing, regulating my thyroid,vitamin d levels, unblocking my tubes and taking several rounds of fertility drugs - we found ourselves in a dark place this summer. It was a place of hopelessness and sadness. We feel very very very blessed that God gave us our son, but we also are very very sad for the little brother or sister our son does not have. It has been a hard road to walk and one that luckily we have walked together as husband and wife. As hard as this struggle has been, it also has really brought us even closer together. While I don't like the road we are on, I wouldn't want to be on it with anyone else. 

When our last round of the fertility drugs did not work in June we decided to take a step back and spend the summer trying to accept what might be our reality that our family may be smaller than we thought. We took in every moment of the precious life that is growing up before our very eyes. We stopped talking about "the next one" and simply have tried to just be present and enjoy our summer with our blessing we were given. We decided that we would take a break from all the trying, the medication and the stress of it NOT working every single month. 24+ months of trying with no luck gets to be defeating after awhile. While I wear a big bright smile every day, some days that smile is hiding sadness that only my husband knows about and understands. However, I can honestly say we are in a different place now than before. I would be lying if I said I wasn't still sad some days. It's still hard but I am better, stronger and even more grateful than ever before. 

Our steps from here if we want to continue this difficult journey requires some science and gets to be a lot more expensive with no guarantees. We are still praying about that decision. Quite honestly, we have been praying about this for months. My heart tells me I have to at least try once so I don't spend the rest of my life wondering what if. It's more so now that the timing has to be right and right now the timing is not right. My body is still under too much stress with all that I have going on.  In the meantime, I decided I wanted to try a more holistic approach. I had read tons of articles and books and talked with people who dealt with infertility and many had suggested I try acupuncture. I felt like at this point I had nothing to lose so I went for it and loved it.

I signed up for four weeks in a row worth of hour long treatments and will decide from there how often I plan to go. I was absolutely amazed at how much she was able to tell me about my body by feeling my pulses and meridians. Right away she was able to tell me she knew I was there for infertility just by what she was feeling from the pulses. I was amazed and my tongue also told her that I had recently been dealing with something stressful and traumatic (umm yeah 24 months of this struggle I would say is a bit stressful.) The treatments may or may not work but what it has done for me is helped me to feel more balanced and less stressed which is important because the hormones secreted during stressful situations can significantly decrease fertility. While I cannot promise it will work, I would highly encourage anyone who is trying to get pregnant to give it a try. Actually I would encourage everyone to try it. There are SO many other health benefits as well aside from fertility help. To answer the million dollar question - NO the needles DO NOT hurt!! 

So why do I share all of this with lots and lots of strangers? Because the scars that you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed for the same rocks you hit.  Someone out there is reading this and needs this it. Somebody is in the same boat as I am, and if that somebody is you; I want you to remind yourself that just because it's not happening right now doesn't mean it never will. You are in your own little storm right now and it's changing you and it's testing you, but it will not break you.  When this storm passes you are going to come out of it a different person than you were when you went into it. Keep up the faith, keep your chin up and keep us in your prayers. We could use a miracle. Feel free to reach out to me for support if your standing in this storm, I get it and would be glad to talk with you. S.Griffith27@gmail.com