Friday, December 30, 2016

Maybe This Will Be Your Year After All....

Appreciate The Season You Are In

As we get ready to close 2016 I wanted to take a minute to sit down and share my heart with anyone who feels like they are just waiting for the tides to turn and life to change. This past year was my year of waiting and I can tell you the ups and downs have made the ups even better when they finally did happen. I have seen some absolute high's in my life this year and also some lows so maybe, just maybe I can give you hope as you look forward to 2017.

I think I time table of events would be helpful to show you what the year has looked like. Lucky for my I live by my planner and also that I share most of my life on social media so doing a recap with dates like this was actually much easier that it would be for most.

January 8th - I was scheduled to begin IUI infertility treatments at Magee Women's Hospital after two years of having struggled. We had actually given up hope, but my instincts said I couldn't live with the what "if's" if I didn't at least try a few rounds before closing that chapter. That same day I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. She didn't like what my numbers were saying when she got back my lab results and suggested I put the brakes on fertility treatments. She felt it would be a waste of emotional energy and money because my body wasn't going to do so hot even if it did work. She asked that I give her a few months to figure everything out that was going on. I left there in tears feeling defeated yet again. So I held off on taking the fertility medications that I was supposed to start that day.

Sometimes the biggest smiles are hiding the most heartache. This was taken at an event the night of those two appointments. Sometimes you really have no idea what someone is going thru until you get to know them better. Nobody would have guessed the heartache we were feeling that night.
February 9th - I underwent insulin resistance testing at the hospital. This was a 4 hour test that knocked me on my butt. I never want to go thru that kind of testing again. They took my blood sugar down into the 40's to see how my body would respond. Turns out nobody showed up to the game to do their job on the inside. My sugar barely left the 50's even after hours of testing. They concluded that my body was hypoglycemic and my Hashimotio's disease was the worst it had been yet from an antibody stand point. That afternoon lots of suggestions were made and I was sent home with metformin medication, a gluclometer and encouraged to try a gluten free lifestyle. I was so angry that I had yet another thing to have to worry about and deal with and still had no answers to our fertility problems. At 29 years old I felt like my health was going down hill fast no matter how hard I tried to stay healthy.

During the month of February I got strict about going gluten free. I read books, I tried different foods and some days I just cried because I was frustrated with the situation but I gave it my best.

March 11 - 17th - My husband and I were lucky enough to enjoy a cruise that I had earned because of my Beachbody coaching business to the Bahamas and Jamaica. It was a much needed escape from reality. All the medical testing and fertility worries were becoming too much. We needed a break and some time just for us. We had an absolutely wonderful time but I couldn't stop napping while we were there. It lead me to start to wonder what was going on.

March 18th - I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the night. Sure enough. Positive. My mind was blown.

April 6th - Baby appointment. We got to see our miracle up on the screen. We saw it's heartbeat and finally felt like our prayers were answered. We kept it our little secret but our excitement was growing and growing.

April 15th - That day we had another ultrasound and it was confirming that something was indeed wrong with the baby. Not growing according to size, sub chronic hemotoma in my uterus and a slow heartbeat. The outcome we were about to face was heartbreaking.

April 19th - Follow up ultrasound. Baby still had a heartbeat but not much of one so it was a waiting game until it stopped.

April 21st - Early morning appointment. The words "we are sorry, but there is no heartbeat anymore" rocked our little world to the core.

April 25th - Scheduled D&E surgery to remove the remains of the baby. It felt like one of the worst days of our life.

May 15th - I announced my resignation from my position as the Dean of Students at the high school I had taught at for the last 7 years. After working for 2 years part time as a Beachbody coach building my business after bedtime I was finally to the point that I just couldn't keep doing both and my heart just wasn't in education anymore. I knew it was time to go. It was something we had planned for all year and it felt good to have finally made it to the point that this was an option for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be "retiring" at such a young age from education.

June 11th - That morning I helped to graduate the class of 2016 and then walked out of there ready to start my next chapter in life whatever that was going to bring along with it. In the moment I was terrified, excited and hopeful but I really had no idea what was to come for me. More than anything I was just proud of myself that day for having the courage to follow my heart and chase big dreams even if it did seem crazy. 

Celebration surprise from my hubby that day.
Summer Time - We spent the summer healing from all of the stress we encountered this year. I soaked up being a mom and being a wife. We traveled, we made memories and we finally felt happy with closing the chapter on wanting another baby and were confident that life had some great things in store for us next even if we couldn't see them just yet. I spent the summer growing in my faith as well. I swear it was the only thing that got my thru those dark months after the miscarriage. I always went to church and had faith, but not like I did after this year. I owe a lot of it to daily personal development readings about faith and also weekly Joel Osteen podcasts. They gave me hope when I didn't have any anymore. 

August 9th - After 94 years on earth my sweet Grandma went to be with the Lord.

September 15th - I traveled to Destin, FL for a trip with some of the top coaches on my team for a leadership retreat. While there, I learned that God had something pretty incredible in store for us. We were expecting again and this time it just felt different. This time I had hope. I finally started to learn that things had to happen on HIS time not mine and I had to be courageous enough to have faith that it would work out for the best. 

October 16th - We made our official announcement that we were expecting baby number 2. It was a day we never though we would ever see. 

December 25th - On Christmas morning we learned that our little miracle is going to be a little girl. It was hands down one of my favorite moments from all of 2016.  

As you can see it really has been a roller coaster. Each of the moments were bittersweet. This year has taught me that life really does work out if your willing to sit back and enjoy the ride even if some days the ride doesn't feel like much fun. I have learned that going thru dark days make bright days even better and that following your heart will require sacrifice and courage but you sure do feel proud of yourself when your brave enough to do it. 

Last year on New Years Eve I never could have saw ANY of this coming and I don't know that I was ready for it all, but I can say this with certainly. I am grateful for ALL of it. This year shaped me a lot and even made me grow up a little more than years past have. I absolutely have changed because of this year. My heart is bigger, my faith and marriage are stronger and I feel like I understand what true happiness means now more than I ever did. My story is a little richer and deeper now, but I would like to think that this year gave my life more character. 

I hope you can learn to see the blessing in your storms and have faith that better days really are ahead if your willing to just keep going. 

Happy New Year. Wishing you a year full of wonderful milestones. Remember life is what you make of it. We only get one chance and are here for a short time. Make sure you enjoy the ride. 

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