3 years in the making - welcoming our rainbow baby

One Week To Go.... 

If you have been following our journey with infertility you may realize that the journey after three long hard years is about to end in less than a week. 

To be honest I am not sure how I feel right now. You would think I would be overjoyed and excited and just ready to meet her. While I am to an extent, I also have to be very honest and admit that I am terrified, worried and also anxious about all of the change that is about to come our way. I woke up this morning knowing that a week from today I will be induced to have her at some point on the 16th of May. I feel like I have a million things I need to do still to get ready, but I just don't feel ready.  

I keep praying that my anxiety stays down and that I calmly have an uneventful birth, but until shes in my arms I don't know that my fears will go away. I spent most of the first trimester worrying about a miscarriage. Then the second trimester worrying about how well she was growing and worried about her coming prematurely. Then I got to the third trimester and I started to have some major worry about the actual labor and delivery process. I am not sure why because my sons delivery was a breeze. I prayed a ton and that helped, but I still find the worrysome thoughts creeping in. 

I think all of this worry was my minds way of protecting me from the hurt and what we had been thru over the last three years. It's like I don't want to allow myself to get too excited until I know she really is here and safe. I would like to think this is normal when you walked the dark road of infertility, but who knows maybe it's not. 

So for the next week you will find me waiting and waiting and waiting some more. I am praying big and hoping that all goes according to HIS plans that are waiting for our family and this sweet little girl. We have such a special life planned for her with lots of love waiting for her. 

I have envisioned the moment when they hand her to us over and over in my head and every time I envision it I cry. The hard ugly kind of cry.

I have no doubt that it will be one of best moments of our marriage and my life as long as all goes well. I hope that the labor and delivery nurses who are there with us have a tissue because I anticipate it will be an emotional moment for everyone in the room. 

There was a bible verse that I held near to my heart during our dark days. Romans 8:18 says that "the pain you have been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming." I believed deep down it was true. That all of our hurt and pain was going to turn into something beautiful someday and sure enough it did. 

I will be reminding myself over and over of this verse during labor as I endure a few hard hours before meeting our precious rainbow after the storm. 

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for coming along for the ride these past few years. We hope our story gave you hope for your own. God Bless you all. Can't wait to share her with you.